MY MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE: How I Turned From Atheist And Pessimist To Believer And Optimist And Opened To A New World And A New Life.
By
Penny Cohen, LCSW
MY MYSTICAL EXPERIENCE: How I Turned From Atheist And Pessimist To Believer And Optimist And Opened To A New World And A New Life.
When people ask me now who I work with and what I do, I tell them, “I do business with God. She tells me what I think. I got the job when I saw a sign on God’s doorpost, HELP WANTED, INQUIRE WITHIN.”
Well, I inquired within and got a lot more than I bargained for: near madness, a mystical experience and eventually spiritual enlightenment, or I should say, Self enlightenment – Higher Self enlightenment.
It happened over twenty five years ago while going through divorce. I was an atheist at the time. After the first session with a therapist, she said, “The mind controls all. Yogis can walk on nails or hot coals and not get hurt. They can even control their body temperature.” Even though my ex-husband decided to leave, I was determined to be happy instead of sad. Also, wanting to be thin for the singles world I lost thirty pounds in two weeks, and craving to learn everything I could about relationships, what goes wrong, and how to have a healthy one I started reading book after book, oftentimes all night long taking to sleeping barely one or two hours a night. Also, a neighbor who divorced six months earlier suggested I keep a journal to record the changes that would take place in me. I kept a pad with me at all times and constantly wrote down my thoughts and experiences – day and night.
Getting all my thoughts down on paper, it helped me see what was going on in my mind. I became so tuned into my mind that after a while I began experiencing ESP and mental telepathy. At night I began writing theories on higher creativity and heard things about Plato and Aristotle, ideas I never studied heretofore. Thoughts continued coming only faster and more furiously like a train never stopping. One day overwhelmed with non-stop thought and total exhaustion I ran into my bedroom crying. My knees went down to the floor, animalistic, guttural sounds poured out of me in a crying and shuddering that was brain shattering. Then automatically I screamed GOD HELP ME! When I reclined on the bed it felt like every bit of my being left my body. Then total silence! In the silence I experienced an incredible light and sensations of pins and needles surround me and a warmth and love enter into me that was indescribable. It was a deep inner love that came to me and through me. I remembered thinking this is the feeling of true love; love without having someone to love. This is unconditional love. Then I heard a voice, like talking through a megaphone. The voice said, “You are a messiah.”
I screamed internally, “I’m not a messiah. A messiah can save the world. I can’t even save myself. Besides, a messiah knows all. What do I know?”
The voice said, “All knowing is within. What you know will manifest in poetry.”
I never wrote poetry, never read poetry and in high school it would take me three hours to write three lines. I chalked the whole thing off as a hallucination while at the same time thinking I would write at least two books and do research. On what I had no idea.
Two weeks later I awoke in the middle of the night and wrote the first of approximately 1,000 poems. They just poured out of me day and night. Not great literary prose; just little ditties in my own words answering questions I was asking internally on life, love, God, relationships.
After the spiritual experience, although I continued to write poems I lost that high clear state. I realized I reached a higher level of intelligence but it happened in an unhealthy way. Barely eating or sleeping, I was close to a nervous breakdown or even death. I began pondering how you can reach this higher state of consciousness intentionally in a healthy way and maintain it in daily life. I also constantly questioned the message “You are a messiah” and what it meant to me. That has been my research for the past twenty-five years.
From thereon, I was guided to find my purpose, or I should say, my purpose found me. Or, the more contemporary thinking is that I got into the law of attraction.
And, just so you don’t think I’m totally nuts and think that I think that I am the Messiah, I have come to believe that we all are messiahs (with a small “m.”). By taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings speech and actions and tempering them, we have the ability to reach states of peace and love within ourselves. And, if we deal with others from that peace and love we can help them reach states of peace and love within themselves and, that’s when the greater Messiah will abound.
Staying in Touch And In Love,
Penny
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